Wife: Bye, honey!
Me: Where are you going?
Wife: Oh, the kids and I are just going out and about.
Five hours later.
I've waited a long time to come see this beauty. I'm speechless.
Went to the Museum of Science today. Spent 5 hours staring at this wall.
The Eternal Spit-Take of The Sphinx
Celebrating 10 years of marriage at what happens to be our 10th Cirque du Soleil show. #kurios
He almost did it, but this is way better anyway.
I wish I was as committed to my goals as this man. Here's to you, humble Hummer driver, beating your body odor problem in 2016!
What a ridiculous nanny state we live in. Thanks, Obama!
Oh boy oh boy I wonder what's inside!!!
"Here daddy. I know you have an important meeting tonight. This will bring you luck." Thanks, buddy.
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