we are only temporary players in everyone else’s permanent existence.
tokyo ➳ singapore ➳ boston ➳ madrid
Signature pose ✔️
I miss you.
I wish that was enough to accurately describe how I feel, but it doesn’t, not even close. It's been a year since you've been gone and honestly, there hasn't been a single day when I haven't thought about you. It's been hard and I really haven't been the person I used to be before this, but I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to be the person you would have wanted me to be, the best friend you would have been proud of. You've been in my heart throughout the past year, through the happiest and hardest moments. I'm not gonna lie, things got really hard without you. Even today, I can't help myself from crying when I think about you.
I thought maybe things would hurt less after a year. But it’s been a year of your absence, of missing you, of “being strong”, of trying to forget, of trying not to care, not letting anyone close enough to hurt me. It’s been 365 days and I feel everything stronger than ever, and it hurts so much more than words could express.
Thinking back on everything that happened this year, I realized that when you’ve been through this kind of pain, every other hardship is equally, if not more, unbearable; as if the pain I permanently carry for you increases. Everyone I lose feels catastrophic because I immediately relate it to losing my best friend, losing you. I hate losing people I love and I know it’s a part of life, but it stings. So much of the time, I feel deeply misunderstood. I’m aware losing you isn’t an excuse, but it's so hard to bear all the time and not allow it to affect my actions, thoughts, words and emotions. I wasn’t very good at that this year and pushed a lot of people away trying to understand why I felt the way I did and acted the way I was.
There was so much more I wanted to say to you. There was so much more I wanted to do. There was so much more I wanted to be. I thought we had more time. I thought I would see you in Spain, we would visit eachother, Skype eachother, grow older together. You will always be in our heads and forever in our hearts. My heart hurts so terribly it feels empty, it feels broken. I'm never going to forget you or the way I’ve felt the past year and I know that’s okay, but every day...
I thought I looked good but the guys in the back thought the view looked better 🙈
Thinking about how I totally could've eaten that last slice of pizza 🍕
It's national best friends day so naturally this one gets a shoutout for (quite literally) being my partner in crime for the last 5 years ❤️
Congratulations on finishing the easiest part of life to my baby sister ❤ Can't believe you're growing up so fast and that you're where I was 2 years ago 😭 Good luck in Brown bbg, and learn how to do your makeup so I don't need to do it every time you go out 😘
Congratulations on beating teen pregnancy to my one and only. Here's to five years and a lifetime to come ❤